Alfred Ip discusses crucial elements that individuals who are contemplating the possibility of divorce should consider.
From seeking (legal and non-legal) advice to finances and children arrangements, but also other practical considerations related to documents, passports, statements, relocation, temporary and permanent living arrangements – all crucial issues which will need to be taken into consideration in order to part ways and move on with life in the best possible way.
SHOW NOTES:
00:28 Is it really over?
01:23 Have you taken legal advice?
01:59 Where are the documents?
02:34 If you are a dependent in the relationship, can you live on your own without the other spouse’s financial support?
03:01 Have you already told the other spouse?
03:30 What are the most common issues to be resolved?
03:46 How do you plan to tell the children?
04:11 How to separate the finances?
04:47 Who can you seek help to resolve the issues?
05:16 How to get ready to move on with your new life?
TRANSCRIPT
Key Considerations Before Filing for Divorce
If a wedding takes time to plan, divorce should also take time. It is never wise rushing into it without knowing what is going to happen. So, we would like to share a 10 steps guide to divorce which sets out some of the essential issues that you should consider before considering moving forward.
Is it really over?
While most clients who come to us for divorce have already made up their mind, some are still pondering whether to go down that route. Understandably, they wish to be prepared in the event of a divorce being the only option.
Other clients come to us because of key events: finding out about an extramarital relationship, domestic violence, financial issues, etc…
Apart from consulting with a lawyer, they should perhaps also see other professionals – like counsellors – for advice and assistance. It is after all, a major decision that should not be made lightly.
Moreover, there are other questions: does it have to happen immediately? Is it so intolerable that you can’t wait to get out of it? Should that be the case, you should plan for your separation first before planning for divorce.
Have you taken legal advice?
It makes sense to seek legal advice when the idea of divorce is still in your mind, because you would like to know the worse case scenario and prepare for it. Nobody – except perhaps for Elizabeth Taylor and a few other celebrities – is really that experienced after all.
For this exact reason, don’t take advice from your divorced friend and follow it blindly. Every situation is different, every relationship is different. One ingenious idea may not be that ingenious in your situation!
Where are the documents?
The documents that you should have ready in hand are the following:
- Marriage certificate: if you don’t have it, get another one!
- Children’s passports: you need to know where they are in case you have concerns over your spouse suddenly taking your children overseas.
- Bank statements: don’t throw away bank statements, including credit card statements, because you will need to disclose them during divorce proceedings.
- Receipts: you need to establish your financial needs with proper supporting documents.
If you are a dependent in the relationship, can you live on your own without the other spouse’s financial support?
Divorce can be a long process, a painful process, and a costly process. A few crucial questions that you’ll need to ask yourself before starting divorce proceedings are: Can you rely on anyone else in the divorce process? Do you have sufficient financial means to support yourself throughout the process? Are you eligible for legal aid?
Have you already told the other spouse?
- How would he/she react to your request?
- Who moves out?
- Where is he/she going to live?
- What would the children’s access arrangement look like?
- If you need maintenance, how much?
- Would he/she use children or money as bargaining chip? If yes, how would you react?
- If relocation is in the plan, how to best arrange it?
What are the most common issues to be resolved?
- Children: custody, care and control, access, nesting arrangement, long holiday arrangement
- Finances: monthly maintenance vs division of marital assets
How do you plan to tell the children?
It is very important to deliver the message to the children in a way that would not create any fear. This might include fear of losing one or both of the parents, being caught in the middle, being accused of the cause of the parents’ divorce, etc.
It is very tough to talk to children about such situation, hence seek help, if necessary.
How to separate the finances?
Do you know how much you have? Do you know how much the other spouse has?
Joint ownership of property: how to dispose of it? What would be the liabilities that go with the disposition, such as tax, and how to deal with it?
Valuable personal properties: your watches, your art, your pieces of jewelry, your bags and shoes. Most of these items would not be split, but do they need to be valued?
There will be financial disclosure, but would the other side hide his/her assets?
Who can you seek help to resolve the issues?
Court proceedings is only one of the many ways to resolve those issues. There are other professionals including mediators, corroborative practitioners, councilors and co-parenting coordinators who can help the parties resolving those issues, and they are often appointed by Court to assist the parties to resolve challenges. A well-reputed Family lawyer will be able to help you finding such help.
How to get ready to move on with your new life?
Once divorce is resolved and the final order, what we call it decree absolute, parties will consider themselves emancipated.
The lifestyle would become very different, and it would take time to adjust. Plan ahead and seek help from your friends or relatives, as it makes a real difference.
An amicable divorce is not a fairy tale, and a nasty divorce is not inevitable. Seek help early!
This video is for informational purposes only. Its contents do not constitute legal or professional advice.
